Vicki’s Blog

I Shouldn’t Be Here

But here I sit….First I want to thank ALL of you that posted your opinions, and advice on my previous post!!! I am so thankful to have this network so I can receive advice on subjects that trouble me!!

I am exhausted….haven’t seen my bed (basically) since Sunday morning….Yesturday morning my sister called and needed some help with something, so we went out. Ended up spending most of the day out there…

When we did get home, it was nice outside, so I let the girls play outside for a bit while I checked my email….and than I found a friend online that I hadn’t been able to talk to for several days. So what I meant to be a pretty short conversation, ended up being a long one…..Thank you my dear friend for taking the time out of your busy life to lend me a shoulder!!

I should be doing schoolwork with the girls, or should be doing some work, or I should be sleeping, and yet….and yet my mind keeps racing….This happens from time to time with me…My mind is so busy with thoughts that I can’t concentrate on what I should be doing….*sigh*…..It’s one situation that is filling my mind….over and over again it plays in my head, like a tv show re-run, or a song that you have stuck in your head….These thoughts, these emotions have their own little seperate box in my head, and in my heart, but yesturday the box was opened, and now my mind is running rampant…I never should have opened the box yesterday, I’m not even sure how the box got opened…*sigh*….I need to deal with this, instead of tucking it away inside of me…I know that…I know that is what I need to do, for my peace, and for my girls, but whenever I think of these things, all I can think of is the hurt and the anger…

Have you ever wanted to bang your head on the wall?? That’s about how I feel right now….

Seperate Rooms?

The girls decided tonight that they want seperate rooms….One of the main problems with this is the fact that we live in a two bedroom house. And I realize that they are never going to get everything they WANT in life, however I do see why they want their own rooms, and I can see benefits to them having their own rooms.

They would each be responsible for cleaning their own room, and could no longer blame the mess on the other one….It would also give them each a place of their own to go to. To Train Up A Child book says quite a bit about personal property, which right now, the girls have very few things that are just theirs, I’ve always given them joint presents, and whatever was theirs I’ve always MADE them share…with seperate rooms, they would have their own things in their own space, and could decide what they wanted to share and what they didn’t….Something the book suggested.

However, it leaves me without a room, which to me isn’t a big deal..I have considered putting my bed in the livingroom…Yes, I know that sounds strange, but I NEVER have anyone coming over to my house, so it wouldn’t be weird or anything…The girls see me sleeping all the time so it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for them to be playing around my bed as I sleep….

I don’t know what to do….I see ups and downs to them having their own room, and I see ups and downs to them continuing to share a room…..I don’t know what to do!!!!

What are your thoughts??

Can’t Hide Forever

*sigh* As much as I would like, I can’t hide forever…Wanted to talk last night, and yet didn’t want to. One of those odd moments….Usually I’m one way or the other, not the confusing mix of emotions that I was and still am…

I still feel torn apart….still wonder why God seems so far from me, no matter how much I pray or try to get close, He still seems so far away, and deaf to my pleadings. It’s a sad state of affairs, and yet life goes on….

Isn’t that always the way….no matter our wants, or desires, life goes on….*sigh* sometimes I wish it wasn’t so….wish life could pause for a bit.

Fitness Equipment

I wouldn’t mind having some fitness equipment in my house. Might be easier for me to steal a few minutes here and there to exercise, than it is for me to find time to go to the gym!

I’m not sure what I would want…The Bowflex looks pretty cool, but that would be more for a complete workout…They have this new thing on tv, but I can’t remember what it’s called. Anyway, it works (supposedly) all of your leg muscles, and also your abs, which is basically what I’d like to tone up anyway. It’s also small, and easily stored, which would be another plus!

Impromptu Schooling

The more I homeschool the more that I find that fits into “schooling”. On Feb. 14 I stayed home from work that night, because I wasn’t feeling well. I fell asleep on the couch, and woke to the sounds of Meg saying “Mommy, Mommy, something is wrong with Yeti”. Well Yeti is our one female cat, who happened to be pregnant….I knew her time was near, but the girls have never experienced a cat having kittens, and this was Yeti’s first time as well.

It was quite apparent that she (Yeti) was a nervous wreck!! *LOL* So Meg and I sat up for an hour, comforting Yeti, until finally the first one was born. Meg and I talked of how a cat having kittens is different from how people or other animals give birth. We talked about different animals that are born with their eyes closed, or open. We talked of some animals have live births verses animals laying eggs. It was quite an evening, or should I say morning….Meg had woken me up at midnight, and like I said, it was an hour before the first kitten was born.

Yeti has 5 beautiful little ones now, happily hidden away in a room, away from the hustle and bustle of the house. She doesn’t mind us peaking in on her once in awhile though, but I have been careful to educate the girls that if they bother her too much, or play with the kittens, she might abandon them, or the kittens could become sick, and so they are careful not to bother mother and children too much!

It is quite a learning experience for them!!

Bluefly Coupon

Living carefully was a way of life for her. In her younger days, it was a necessity, now later in life, it just simply how she was. Which explained why she was using her Bluefly coupon when she really had no need to use any kind of a coupon!

Yes, life had been good to her, but she did not feel the need to waste her money, after all, she’d much rather give it to worthy charities and causes!

The Good Ones Always Leave

Sounds like a country song doesn’t it? Found out acouple of days ago that one of the guys that I work with is leaving on the 28th. I am sad to see him go…He is a hard worker, reliable, and about the closest thing that I have to a friend here in town.

On the upside to that, he asked me for information concerning homeschooling his daughter. That is a bright spot to me, as I love helping other people, and more and more I believe that every parent should make the effort to homeschool. I know in some cases that it is impossible to do so, but for those of us that can, I think we should!!! In any case, I spent the morning researching the laws for Arizona, where he is moving, and compiling some other helpful websites, for books and other things. When/if I become a Homeschool Nations coordinator I will try and get him a free copy of the The Old Schoolhouse Magazine as well….I will do everything within my capabilities to help him.

I will welcome any help/tips/websites that you think would be useful as well!!!

A Wonderful Suprise

Still in no mood to talk, but wanted to do this quick post of the wonderful suprise that I recieved today.

Upon opening the box I see a heart full of one of my favorite candies…Reeses Peanut Butter Cups!!! And an adorable little white bear that is holding a tube of White Peony lotion… The lotion smells devine!! In the bottom of the box, there was a brown envelope for my girls. *S* How thoughtful to send something for them!! It was full of stickers!!! They will have so much fun putting the stickers in their sticker books!!!

The only thing missing was a letter or a note! But than I know how difficult it is to write something to someone you don’t even know!! It was a wonderful suprise, and one I wasn’t expecting!!

*sigh* I haven’t been a very good SS this month….time, money, and even the desire seem  short this month, and I really feel aweful about it!! I hope my SS forgives me!!

Can I Go Hide?

Since going to work last night, my mind has been spinning out of control…..A million different things that I have been thinking about, and coming up with no solutions….I feel like my heart is being ripped apart!!! I just want to hide…..hide from all the problems, and all the things I don’t know how to change or what to do!!!!

God, please help me right now…..I need you so much right now, and yet, you seem so far away….

Excuse Me

You will have to excuse the oddity of this post, but I need to put a confirmation # on here for something, and I thought that this would be the simplest way.

Confirmation #GDSCFXH14256194

Thank you!