Have you ever felt like you just shouldn’t of become a parent?? Not because you don’t love your kids, and not because you wouldn’t do ANYTHING for your kids, but because you just don’t know what to do!!! I’m at that point…

 My kids are my life, the whole reason for my existance is to give them the best life that I can, and all the love in my heart is for them…but I’m really struggling here!!!

 It’s not the problems with schooling…..Megan saying day after day lately that she wants to go back to public school is difficult, but that I can handle….Although it did warm my heart when Desi said she wanted to stay homeschooled, because “You teach me more better” she said…*LOL* Guess we haven’t covered quite enough grammer lessons…

 The problems I’m having are with irresponsibility, and lying, and getting into stuff, lack of respect, and accidents…and well the list could go on and on….

Today I get up from my nap, for those of you that don’t know I work overnights, and find that they had eaten some strawberries in that I had in the fridge….Didn’t really hurt anything, except they didn’t even ask, and I could have been saving them to make something with…They also opened a new bag of salad, which I didn’t mind, except they didn’t put it in a ziploc bag, of which the other salad had been in…..I get up to find dirty dishes all over my livingroom, and trash that they don’t bother to pick up……

I know that leaving a 5 (almost 6) year old, and a 7 and 1/2 year old, basically unsupervised for a few hours is pretty risky in itself, but what option do I have?? I’m doing good to pay the babysitter for the hours I work, let alone trying to pay one for sleep time too….

It just really bugs me that they don’t care….They know that they should pick up their dishes, and the trash, but they choose not to. The strawberries and the salad I could even overlook, as my kids, for some reason *LOL*, love healthy food, but they still could have asked….

Another problem I’m having is with respect, or lack of it…My boss gave me an Easter basket, and like most it had candy in it….Well, instead of asking if it was okay, they just decided to eat the candy out of it a few days ago, again when I was sleeping….

 Up until recently when I was sleeping, they would play quietly, watch movies, play on the computer, color, and such things like that….If they got hungry they got crackers or such things like that…but now it’s like they think they are the adults around here, and can do no wrong….Even when they know I am upset, they just don’t seem to care.

Accidents are another major hurdle we are facing….and have been facing for years. Desi has had an issue with wetting herself off and on for years…What I mean by off and on is that for months she will be dry, and than all of a sudden she will start wetting herself, and that will usually continue for a month or a bit more, and than she will be dry again….Well, that has not been the case this time…October of 2006, when she was still in public school, she started having accidents again, at school as well as at home. They got to be more often, as well as starting to have bm accidents….Now do keep in mind I use the word accident, only because I can not think of another word to use….The school talked to me, and said that if Desi did not stop, than she would be expelled…which would be one reason I decided to homeschool, thinking I could get her accidents under control without too much problem….No such luck!!! She still continues to have accidents, I would say at least 3 times a week. I have discussed the problem with her, but all she says is “I don’t know”….For months I have held the belief that she knows when she has to go to the bathroom, but just ignores it…

Meg is about the same way, on again off again….Today she was playing the computer, and sat her and wet herself…I have tried disciplining, taking away privilages, everything I know to try, and have tried with success in the past, but NOTHING is working this time…They just don’t seem to care!!!….They do not seem the least upset when they have an accident….I am considering taking Desi to the Dr. which perhaps I should have done months ago, but I truly thought it was just another phase that would pass…I still think that there is nothing physically wrong with either one of them, but I have been wrong before….

Have any of you faced these problems, have any wisdom or advice to offer this Mom that is currently in tears because I just don’t know what to do anymore!! I am truly at the end of my rope, and no where to go from here….Pray for me, please!!! I feel that I am getting worse at this parenting thing, instead of better!!!!

I want to thank you all for coming to my rescue!!! Your comments, advice, and most of all your support is so greatly appreciated!!! *LOL* I feel kind of like a soldier that blew his bugle, and all of you came running to my rescue!! *LOL*…Your support is invaluable to me!!! Thank you soooooo much!!!!!

I also wanted to welcome those that I didn’t already know, and to invite you to stick around, and find out more about my life than my little crisis from yesturday. Thank you for coming and giving your advice when you didn’t even know me!!

For my repeaters, now I’m not going to name you all, because than I would forget someone, but COBear, and Sandi, and EVERYONE else that has been here before, thank you for coming again, and answering my plea for help.

I so do enjoy reading everyone’s blogs, although I know I have fallen badly behind, but know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers!!

Again…thank you!!!!

What do you do when your children say they want to go back to public school?? They say they hate homeschooling, and miss their teachers they used to have??

To say that I’m heartbroken by this is an understatement, not to mention being at a loss as to what to do, because my girls have learned so much in the short time that we have been homeschooling, and I am convinced that for them to have the best education is for them to be homeschooled!!!

Please HELP!!!!!!!!

Easter was pretty cool….literally!!! The weather here has been CRAZY lately!!! Last week, we had SNOW!!!! SNOW in APRIL in KANSAS!!!! How crazy is that???….It’s supposed to be 50′s and 60′s this week, which will be good, although I generally prefer it a tad warmer….Of course, come July and August I will be dreaming of 50′s and 60′s!!!

Went out to my sister’s this afternoon…Had a spaghetti dinner, and the kids hunted eggs….It was a pretty nice evening…I will probably be hiding eggs for the next week though, because my girls love to hunt them, even if they are empty. Easter Bunny brought them a few outside toys, and a few inside toys, and a bit of candy….My Nephew hardly eats candy, and my kids have gotten a little too attached to candy, so the EB went on a candy minimum this year…*LOL*….Kids didn’t even look twice, as they were too busy playing with the toys.

Will need to go up to Walmart soon….Need Cat litter, and a few other household items, but I also need to be thinking about a few more things for Megan’s birthday, which is coming up quickly. Already got her acouple of books, and acouple of movies, but want to get her some other stuff too…was thinking about a Lite Brite, and she has asked for some more Barbie stuff….Will just kind of depend on what I can find I suppose, what strikes my fancy.

Well all, I think I’m going to call it a night. *hugs* to all my friends.

Sorry I haven’t been keeping up on my entries like I should be. I feel like I let people down when I don’t get entries done…*L*…That’s kind of how I feel when I go to visit someone’s blog day after day, and they don’t have anything new…But life is busy, which I’m sure is why some of you don’t get as many entries done as you want….Anyway….

*sighs* Nothing much going on in my life, nothing exciting anyway….Just work, and schooling the girls, regular errands and such, but it keeps me busy…Plus I’ve taken over checking my sister’s email, because she was finally able to move, and I’ve taken over keeping acouple of her blogs semi current, and then the added running around in town that I do for her and my Dad…*LOL*…Not like I really needed anything more to keep me busy, but I don’t mind doing it for them.

Work is ……well, work….I am increasingly becoming dissatisfied with my boss. She keeps adding more and more things that she wants me to get done…and basically the problem with that is that some of it should NOT be done by me….The other night she mentioned that she wanted me, who works strictly dark hours, to check all the screens  on the house to see if any of them need repaired….Now there is acouple of things wrong with this picture…First would be the fact that it doesn’t make much sense for me to go outside, and try to use a flashlight to see if they need fixing or not, when there are people here during the daylight hours that could do it….and more to the point, is that if I go outside and start shining a flashlight in Consumer’s windows, we will have them freaking out, and possibly calling the cops, thinking some prowler was there spying on them…*shakes head*…The other night my boss took everyone to the store, to buy groceries and cleaning supplies…I come in at 10pm and 90% of it is sitting in the diningroom, and I get informed that not only do I need to put all the food and cleaning stuff away (which requires MAJOR rearranging the pantry and the laundry room shelves), but I am supposed to bag up cookies and chips for the people’s lunches….which wouldn’t be so bad, except she wanted both done that night, along with some other cleaning….Was NOT happy!! Tonight boss wasn’t here when I came in, but she told another staff person not to worry about making the lunches, or finishing paperwork, because nightshift can do it…Well gee thanks very much, but if you want me to do all this other cleaning and such (because we have a health and safety inspection this month), you better do some of this crap yourself!!! She make a poor housemanager anyway….

Okay, so enough complaining about work…Shall I complain about kids??….No, better not, am still too upset with them to go into details, but will just leave it at…Today was the most horrible day with them, and they are in such big trouble, they will be married with kids, before I even THINK about letting them not be in trouble!!!!

Okay, well there’s my entry for tonight..I have to get back to my 6ft long list of cleaning…

Today was my sister’s birthday…I think it turned out to be a pretty good birthday all in all…I made her a cake this morning and went card happy..*LOL* I bought a card for her from me, a card from my girls to her, a card for her son to give to her, and a card for my Dad to give to her….Dad wasn’t going to get out and about, and I knew he would want a card for her, so that’s why I picked that one up. Anyway, went over to her place tonight and had dinner, and cake….the kids played outside awhile, and then not too long later I put mine to bed, so I could come to work…

I’m not doing a long entry tonight/today….Currenty it’s 1:15am on April 3, and I’ve been up since 11:30am April 1, well except for about an hour yesturday….so I’m exhausted!!! I won’t get any sleep until probably about 8am today….Schooling the girls will just have to wait a few hours!!!

Okay all, I’m out..

I have been having problems with the girls lately…I write this with a heavy heart, as I just don’t know what to do anymore!!! Being nice just doesn’t seem to cut it…Like today, the girls wanted to go outside and play, so I told them not to get muddy….Go outside a little while later to check on them, and they had been playing in the mud….I was upset, but just told them that they need to be listening to me better……A few hours later, with promises not to get muddy, they ask to go out again, and I figured to give them another chance…They AGAIN got muddy……Told them to pick up some toys and some dirty clothes this morning, but they didn’t do it. I am at a complete loss what to do!!!! Unfortunetely, which I KNOW is wrong, but I end up yelling at them, when they don’t listen….I KNOW that’s wrong, and I KNOW it doesn’t do any good, but those things don’t stick in my mind until after I’ve already done it. I would sure appreciate any advice you have to offer, on getting the girls to listen to me, as well as ways that I might keep my cool longer!!!!!

Have had an ongoing battle with both girls about peeing their pants. Desiree is 7 and Megan is almost 6, and yet we still go through stages of having “accidents”….Megan has been the one to do it lately…Yesturday she did it twice. During these stages, is pretty much an every day thing!!! Desi, oh about last October, even started pooping in her pants, and that has continued off and on, as well as the peeing. There is NO medical problem, as I’ve had them both checked. Is soooooo frustrating, and I don’t know what to do about that either!!!!!!!

These are the times that I question my ability to raise my children!!! Are these problems something I’m doing, or something I’m not doing….I just don’t know!!!!